Our family has made a lot of "lemonade" recently. In the past two and a half months we've moved, Austin started a new job, we've been taking care of Claudia, I've had knee surgery and we were in a wreck. We've faced more financial, emotional, spiritual and physical challenges than we ever have. I would love to say that I've been able to totally trust in the Lord and focus on His plan for molding us to be more like Him through everything, but I haven't. It seemed like every time it seemed like things were manageable, something else would happen. We are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and, thankfully, the Lord is using this time to reinforce some important truths in my heart. I would love to share them with you:
There is beauty in dependency.
I'm a very independent person. I don't know if its because I've always been self-sufficient or if I just like to be in control (probably both!). Our culture reinforces this, telling us to do whatever makes us happy, to take charge of our lives and to live with our google calendar/planner at the center of everything. We live in single family homes. Asking for help has become a humbling experience, not an expected one. I'm not saying that being self aware, organized, or successful are bad things in and of themselves. The problem happens when we put being independent and in control before our relationships with others and, especially, with the Lord. And when we struggle with pride as a result.
When I hurt my knee doing an everyday task (just when I'd recovered from having Claudia!), I went from feeling like a capable, structured mom to a burden. I had to let Austin and other family take care of Claudia in the ways I couldn't. After the actual surgery and I was on crutches, I really couldn't take care of her. We went to Atlanta for two weeks to stay with Mom and Larry because we needed more attention than Austin could give with his new work schedule. It was difficult for our little family to be apart, even for that short time.
In my many weeks of living with this injury, I've experienced so many emotions. I was mad that I even hurt my knee in the first place. I felt like a failure because I couldn't be the wife and mother that I wanted to be. I was so thankful to the family (especially Mom and Larry) that so lovingly cared for me and for Claudia. Somewhere along the way, I looked at Claudia and the truth that dependency is beautiful came to my mind.
Motherhood has taught me many things, but the parallel that God is my parent like I am Claudia's parent has particularly resonated. Claudia depends on others for everything! She can't feed herself, bathe herself, change her own diaper, dress herself or even move from one point to another. She trusts wholeheartedly that her needs will be met, and I, as her mother, delight in meeting those needs. Similarly, God delights in meeting my needs and (unlike my imperfect parenting), is perfect in doing so. Wow.
Focus on one day at a time.
Our lives are comprised of one. Day. At. A. Time. God designed this for a reason. In my life, I'm convinced it is to help me abide in Him. I spend so much time planning for the future that sometimes I miss out on the blessings He has for me in the present. When going through a difficult season, the mentality that I only have to worry about today is very comforting. Eventually those days are going to add up and maybe later it won't be so difficult. I'm not promised tomorrow anyway!
Jesus is so clear in telling us not to worry about tomorrow and to trust the Lord to provide for our needs.
To have a thankful heart is to have a happy heart.
Those Veggie Tale Lyrics come straight out of scripture. I'm also reminded of the song from White Christmas, "Counting My Blessings", which, incidentally, I found the yellowed sheet music for during our move. Thanking the Lord for what I have is the quickest way for me to stop worrying about what I don't have and thinking about what I do have- viewing the glass half-full in a sense. :-)
Austin absolutely loves his job, which was sadly not the case before we moved. The Lord provides us with income and health insurance through it. He is using Austin for His purpose and glory at Monroe Harding. We have a snug little place to call home. Claudia even has her own adorable little room. We have loving friends and family, both far and near who support, encourage and pray for us.
Our most obvious blessing is our little Claudia. I'm so incredibly thankful that she is healthy, happy, and developing! She just turned five months and is experiencing something new every day. I really can't imagine what our life was like without her. There is no feeling better than when she smiles at me with her gummy smile first thing in the morning, or snuggles into me, rubbing her eyes when she's ready for a nap. I delight in her.
I'd also like to briefly mention that depending on your circumstances or even on your spouse to make you happy, especially during a difficult season, is foolishness. I'm going to write another post just on marriage during difficult times soon. I've been learning a lot on this subject in recent days.
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
This is a truth that the Lord has reinforced in multiple seasons of my life. There have been many times over the past couple of months (especially immediately following my surgery) that I would just sob and declare, "I can't do this anymore!" I was right. I couldn't do it in my own strength. Its silly to me how often I try to "handle things" on my own. The result is misery and defeat.
As believers, the good news is that we have new life in Christ! When we turn to him in any situation we may face in life, He comforts us, sustains us, and gives us the endurance we need. It's not about our needs being met, however. When we focus on what He has done for us by dying on the cross and rising again, that puts life into perspective really quickly! This is what it means to choose joy!
God has a special, unique plan for me and my family.
When I stop to remember that this hard time is merely a chapter in the greater novel that is my life story (of which the Lord is the author), it really helps me put things into perspective. I can look back and reflect upon other difficult seasons and see how the Lord worked in my life then. It helps strengthen my faith.
There have been many times where I've thought something along these lines..
"We've been married 4 years, we should really have _______ by now" (insert some material possession, financial security, etc).
Who says we should have it? Society plays a role in setting these "milestones" for our lives (should be married by a certain age, should have kids by a certain age, should be out of debt by this time, etc. etc. etc.) There is wisdom to be found in some of these guidelines, but ultimately, the Lord is totally in control of my life! The experiences He has me go through are for a specific purpose. These are lessons and blessings specifically designed for me, for my marriage and for my family. This helps with the pitfall of comparison (which is so easy to do, especially with social media). Comparison is the ultimate joy stealer.
Knowing that all the Lord asks of me is to trust Him, abide in Him, seek Him, and to be obedient to His specific plan for my life makes me able to choose this joy, no matter what my circumstances are.
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So, I keep taking life one day at a time. The fields surrounding our home have hints of green and crocuses are beginning to bloom. Spring is on its way after a cold, barren winter. May the beginning of this new season remind us all of the life and joy we have in Christ!
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